A Hysterical Mystery

July 2, 2016

Back home.

Back together.

After some back and forth, the owners of the yellow colonial have accepted our offer.

We’re PENDING x 2!

We are set to close the sale on our house July 27th and the purchase of the new house on July 29th! Everything is moving forward.

Relieved and thankful, we’re also in disbelief. Over and over, one thought strikes me:

I can’t believe we’re doing this!

Even as each hurdle is jumped and the end of the race is closer, the shock of it remains. Are we really dong this? Is it really happening? Like Abby said early on, I just can’t imagine it!

We’re happy about the yellow colonial, but petrified, too. When I think too much about what we’re doing, I freak out, all over again and again and again. What are we doing? Are we crazy?

Take a deep breath. In and out.

Things are finally working out! Why am I hysterical?

We’re all tired from our travels, so that’s part of the hysteria. The other part is… well, this enormous venture is worthy of a little hysteria. Isn’t it?

Joe has taken on the brunt of the hysteria - all the moving details that I honestly didn’t think I could handle (and he never asked me to). He’s taken the lead on all the arrangements. He’s carried an enormous burden on his, thankfully, broad shoulders.

My role became trying to create normal where nothing was. A futile endeavor, surely. But, I tried. I believe this was a psychological game I played with myself (and lost).

Housework, taking care of the kids, making dinner, trying to write… all the normal things I’d be doing in July, I stuck to what I knew and hoped to keep sanity.

Even so, nothing felt sane. It felt like living under power lines - you try to ignore the oppressive current that’s surely running through your house, seeping into your bloodstream, by going on with life but eventually, you know that your body will be riddled with a terminal disease. The tension was in the air, underlying everything.

Moving is the right thing to do. We’ve been convinced of that all along. We’re even more convinced now that we’re doubly pending.

But, still, it’s just so strange and enormous that it’s hard wrapping my anxious-prone brain around it. Tension and disbelief have become the new normal and getting back to some kind of sanity… well, that’s pending, too.

“How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow?”

James 4:14

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