May 27, 2016
It’s done. [Deep exhale]. It’s done.
The last two days of the regular school year at work involved two separate Promotion Day services. The first one was easy. The second was very hard.
I knew on Thursday that it was going to be tough when I started tearing up writing the cards that went with the gifts I’d gotten the Ladies for the end of the year.
That spun the emotional merry-go-round and it didn’t stop spinning. I’d woken up at 3:30 in the morning and couldn’t fall back asleep. My head hurt. My back hurt. I felt nauseous.
So, I woke up Friday morning, already emotional to the point of sickness, and fearing that I couldn’t do it.
Seriously. I couldn’t do it.
I didn’t see how I was going to swallow my tears and how terrible I felt, put on a hospitable face, and get up in front of a hoard of people to run the service. I spent the morning praying and quoting the verse, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” because I knew I couldn’t do it myself. God would have to pull me through this one.
I started feeling better, except for the backache. But, the emotional part stayed with me. Couldn’t deliver my final devotion to the Ladies that morning. Just couldn’t do it. And I got pissed at myself for being such an emotional baby. I didn’t want the day to be about me, but about them - those sweet babies. But, my emotions were taking over fast.
I kept praying. Others were praying for me, too.
That’s when the craziest thing happened.
Maybe ten minutes before the service would start (I had just said to Lisa, “I don’t think I can do it”), this auditor that the church had hired to go over all the accounts walked in and said he needed a few minutes of my time. I’d never met him before (and he didn’t offer an introduction), and he hadn’t let us know he was coming. He wasn’t quite rude, but abrupt. I explained that it wasn’t a good time, that the show was about to begin. That didn’t interest him. He said again that it would just be a few minutes. So, I agreed.
He took me into one of the empty rooms to explain that I’d made some errors in regards to how I had done some things. He told me at length why I shouldn’t have done it that way. And continued to express that it was very serious. (In truth, it wasn’t that serious. I knew it then. I know it now. We kept impeccable records and were excellent stewards of that money - what little we had.)
But, this guy didn’t know me. Or us. Or anything about our school. He was just doing his job, I know. And doing his job, especially in the cold, off-putting manner that he did, did me an enormous favor.
He stopped the emotional merry-go-round.
With my defenses and irritation level raised to high, there was no need for tears.
Now, I realize that this may not sound like a good thing. At the time, I didn’t feel so great about it. But, in hindsight, I could see how God worked. God couldn’t bring me out of my emotional state with something good. That just would’ve made me more emotional. Instead, he gave me this guy - a stranger to irritate me - and in doing so, he dried up all my tears.
I walked out of the meeting just in time for the children to line up to go to the Promotion Day service. I smiled at Lisa. “I’m good,” I told her confidently.
Promotion Day went beautifully. No tears. I still can’t believe it.
The Ladies and I shared a bottle of raspberry champagne after it was all over (and the kids were gone).
And I kept praying… thank you, thank you, thank you.
"When I call, give me answers. God, take my side!
Once, in a tight place, you gave me room;
Now I’m in trouble again: grace me! hear me!"