The Manic Mystery of Disorder

May 5, 2016

I’m in a chaotic, dust-filled, never-ending whirlwind of clutter and crazy.

Stress has morphed into mania. The real estate lady is coming tomorrow to check on the house and all is chaos. Joe has to repaint trim. Ethan’s room needs to be painted. Abby’s is still a disaster. We’ve been working all day. I’ve almost cried from sheer overwhelm-ness… twice. Picture it. Me bawling over my journal, snotty from all the dust, and tired from all the anxious nights. Not pretty.

Pictures of the house are to be taken Saturday at noon. Tomorrow is the last day of Teacher Appreciation Week (still working on those gifts) and its the Hot Dog Picnic at the Learning Center. My final Hot Dog Picnic. I’m freakin’.

For every one thing we get done, there’s a cue of a million more things to do. It's a mystery how we'll ever get it all done - a mystery I'm not too interested in solving!

All I can manage to do right now at this second is hardcore journal venting. It’s all I can do.

Oh, and some mean-spirited fantasizing. I imagine running into someone - man, woman, who cares? - and hearing them say “Oh, I like moving. Moving is fun” and then balling up my fist and punching them so hard that all the tension leaves my body and moves over to their bloody, lying, stupid face.

While a punching bag would be a welcomed addition to our house, I’m pretty positive my real estate lady would deem it ‘clutter.’ Ugh!

Maybe we should just give everything away!

I need order. I need blessed, routine, know-where-things-are, order. I crave clean spaces and organized bedrooms. I want… nay, I need… a break from the chaos that my house has become.

Oh, and a glass of wine.

"God’s grace and order wins"

Psalm 10:16 MSG

"Everything’s falling apart on me, God; put me together again with your Word."

Psalm 119:107ish